Just so you know...

...crunched up candy canes sprinkled on top of your typical cheesecake makes people who don't even know you that well propose marriage.








True story.



Note: this cheesecake also had a chocolate cookie crumb crust instead of your typical graham cracker crust. Also added to the delightfulness!

Part of His Charm

Hubby would do no good under torture. He'd have every dirty little secret out before you could even pinch him. Poor thing.

First off, he cannot keep a secret. He accidentally slipped and told me that he knew about the big secret I had been keeping- that his mother was coming out here for Christmas. I mean, that's pitiful. Second, I never get to open my presents from him on Christmas. It's always a week or two before. It's as though he purchases them, and then races home like Charlie and his golden ticket, just to spill the beans and force me to open it right away.

Not that "forcing" me to open a present is difficult. Hello!

This year was no exception. I got my Christmas present on Friday. A beautiful white sapphire ring. It's just the right size, right amount of shine and sparkle. The boy's got good taste. And he got a heck of a deal on it, which is even better since we aren't exactly high-rollin' it these days. His excuse was that he wanted to "re-create" the night he proposed to me 3 years ago- the first time he had a ring he was supposed to keep until Christmas day. :) Alright, a pretty gosh darn good excuse.

Does anyone else have a problem keeping secrets? Or presents until Christmas day?

By the Way...

I've kind of given up on my big list of things to write about. At least, for now. I feel like the holidays are such a great excuse to fall off the wagon, you know? It's a time of year I can eat more, drink more, sing along to Christmas songs, bake without being asked the occasion, have sappy family photos taken and then send them to all our family, AND slack in the blogging department. So. Don't bother asking, because I'll just blame Christmas. :)

It's December 5th.

PANIC.

Okay, just kidding. Kind of.

Here's the thing: Christmas is at my house this year. For the first time, ever. This is huge, because up until a few years ago, I was convinced that I couldn't boil water, let alone cook a whole dinner. And it's not for just a few people-- if everyone invited shows up, it'll be about 9. 9!

Part of me- most of me- is super excited. Growing up, everyone always came over to our house for Christmas (Well, every holiday, really) and it was the BEST. I loved having a houseful of people over- there is just something about it that is cozy and loving and warm and wonderful.

Of course, then I was a kid, and not my frantic mother who had to cook and clean up after these people. I've turned into my mother, folks. Not that that is much of a surprise, or even a bad thing. But still, you'd think I'd learn and just order Chinese take-out.

We're not even having a traditional Christmas feast. Which, I suppose if you're getting a free meal, you shouldn't complain. But...that's not the nature of human beings, is it? Hubby is sick of turkey. And ham. Fine. So we're doing flank steak. HE is doing it, not me, because he's supposed to be some meat BBQing master. Which is good, at least he is helping. Since we're doing that, I figured I'd make SORT OF traditional side dishes. Like green bean casserole. A jello salad my aunt used to make for every family function. Yummy bread rolls. What else??? I mean, NINE PEOPLE. I haven't even thought about desserts yet.

In the meantime, I also haven't done anything about presents. Mostly for Monkey. We have ideas of what we want to get, but we haven't gone shopping yet. He'll be 3 in January, so I feel like this is the first year he's fully coherent to what Christmas is all about. He's recognizing Santa on his own. He knows what snowmen are (which is impressive, since he lives in FL and hasn't seen snow up close and personal yet), and he helped me decorate our tree. He's definitely more involved this year, so I want to make sure that it's a fantastic Christmas for him- just in case he has an impressive memory. : )

All that, and there are of course a million things around town I'd like to do. We have Disney annual passes, since we're just down the road from Magic Kingdom, and I want to see every inch of Christmas that is up there. The gingerbread house at the Grand Floridian. The castle lit up with icicle lights. The dancing lights (we have seen those twice already). Then there's other things, like simply going to see Santa. Reading the Christmas story (the baby Jesus one) to Monkey. Watching all the great holiday classics.

Oh, and...enjoy the season. In my spare time! Does anyone else get bogged down by the rushing and bustling around to forget what this time of year is all about?

Thankful

It's really already Turkey time again? Where did the year go?

Not that I'm complaining. Any holiday that I can spend with my fam and pig out on delicious food is a-okay by me!

We are going to my in-laws for the big dinner, but I am making two desserts. That will, by the grace of God, be lovely. I hope. I pray. I am making basic cheesecake- that one I'm not worried about, I even have a premade crust for it, eh- but then, THEN, my big kahuna is a vanilla carmel pear tart. Oh yeah. That's right. It should be all sorts of devine as long as I don't screw it up.

Wish me luck. : )

Day 13: A Band Or Artist That Has Gotten You Through Some Tough Ass Days. (write a letter.)

Dear India.Arie, (Okay, seriously? Not writing a letter. I already sound like I'm writing to a pen pal in the second grade. Nerd alert!)

Scratch that. : )

Christmas 2005 was a rough one. I'm usually a fairly
chipper person; I'm not one to get depressed during the holidays.
I enjoy them. But this Christmas just felt different, in a crappy way.

I was 22. I lived alone, but was staying at my parents house for Christmas.
I was staying in my dad's office, that a little fold out bed in it- now I
cannot remember why, or who was staying in my old bedroom. But it
wasn't me. : )

So. Christmas Eve I was feeling blue, for some reason- or probably a
multitude of reasons. Instead of shopping for others, I ended up
buying myself a CD. That CD was India.Arie's Voyage to India.


I don't think I've ever listened to an album so much, over and over,
obsessing over every cord, every melody, every word like I
did with that album. I'd lay awake in the dark with my headphones
on, listening to songs on repeat as they soothed my soul.
I was going through a lot of weird love things- loving a guy thousands
of miles away (who had no idea), breaking up with a guy who'd
proposed to me only a year before, still flirting and going out
and meeting new guys all the time...it was my young and free
stage, but for some reason it was way too stressful for me to
deal with. This album somehow cleared the murky waters, it
was a balm that could be smoothed over my heart.

I am still to this day, in love with India's music. Anytime I get stressed
at work, or in life in general, I pop her into the CD player. She is my
ultimate chill-out guru. : )

Day 12: Something You Never Get Compliments On

Until recently, I've been slightly terrified of cooking. I had a bad experience when I was about 13, and it'd scarred me mentally. So then when I got married, I slooooowly came out of my cooking shell.

And I'm not bad! I'm still definitely a beginner- and strangely enough, I think I'm better at baking than actually cooking (did NOT see that coming). But I've also made a few better-than-edible things.

Every dinner time, we'll sit down to eat, and the Hubs hardly ever says a word. Nothing. Zip. I have to ask if its good, if he likes it, ANYTHING. I have to literally fish for compliments. I shouldn't, it's shameless, but I so desperately need that verification from him that I'm doing well, that I did something right, that I made him happy. It's so frustrating. And sad, because I feel like when it doesn't come willingly, I failed again.

I know I'm reading too much into it. First off, Hubs is very basic when it comes to food. He's very meat-and-potatoes. He doesn't like anything "different" or "exotic". And by exotic, I mean like goat cheese. He'd rather starve. So it is kind of tricky cooking for both of us when we have such different palettes. We don't even like any of the same veggies (his list is even shorter than mine, which I was unaware that was possible!). Second...the man's eating. That alone should tell me that its at least edible, right?

Still. It'd be nice to hear it, once in awhile. : )

Day 11: Something People Always Seem to Compliment You On

I suppose the easiest answer to this would be my eyes. I have big blue gray eyes that I got from my daddy. I do think they are my most striking feature. And they
are fun to snazz up with makeup. ; )

I can never decide if they are just big, or downright buggy. : P

Day 10: Someone You Need To Let Go

Some people just haunt you. For whatever reason, they stick in your mind like a shoe in bubble gum. They do you no good; they keep you from fully moving on to any potential greatness. They are that piece of plastic that sticks to you due to static, and no matter how you dance and shake, they still stay stuck.

It isn't your fault, right? You've done your part. You've cried, you've yelled, you've lost sleep, you've dreamed of them, you've written letters to vent all your emotions, you've thrown out all your material memories-- cards, letters, pictures-- what more can the universe ask? Even when you're happy, even when you've seemingly moved on, have a family, have a new love, and are now a million miles away from where you once were...they still find you. In the dark of night, in that quiet moment, in that song you used to sing to one another, in that car he used to drive. In reality, the past really is all around us.

This all points back to my earlier theory. Yes, my heart was broken by a man. Yes, it hurt, and you know what- sometimes it still does. You see or feel a scar and it immediately returns you to that moment in which the injury occured. However, I can either mope around about this, feel sorry for myself, torture myself, even perhaps convince myself that someday we will meet again-- and then, BOY, won't he be sorry!-- or...I can just let it be. I can let the pain roll over me like a wave, learn and grow from it, and let it be on its way. I can open my eyes to what lays in front of me. I can see all that I have now.

And GOD, that's a beautiful thing.

Day 9: Someone You Didn't Want to Let Go, But Just Drifted

My best friend in second grade was a little Korean boy named Michael. He was the cutest little thing you can imagine, and so incredibly sweet. No one else would talk to him, something I could never understand or figure out. He wasn't crazy like all the other little boys; he was quiet, gentle, kind. Way beyond his years.

One day, another friend asked me, "When is Michael moving?" I remember looking at her as if she'd grown a horn. I had no idea what she was talking about. I later found Michael on the playground and confronted him. He told me in a small voice that he and his family were moving to California. I began to yell at him-- words I don't remember now, probably nothing too graphic- this was second grade after all. But words that gave him a pained expression- a sad, fallen face that is etched into my visual memory for the rest of time. He said my name, "Savannah" as if to beg me to stop saying mean things, to understand, to calm down, but I wouldn't. I couldn't. This was my first broken heart, and I wasn't old enough to understand it, let alone deal with it.

Only a few days later, Michael was gone. We never officially said goodbye. I never saw or heard from him again. I regret that. I wish I would have calmed down that day. I wish we would have exchanged addresses and remained friends. I wish I could remember his last name so I could find him on Facebook (the best stalker tool around!). I wish a lot of things, but most of all, I wish I hadn't been so mean to him. And I hope that wherever he is, he is well, and has only happy memories of his second grade friend.

Day 08: Someone Who's Made Your Life A Living Hell

Alright...something must be wrong with me. I cannot think of anyone to write about.

Seriously.

Sure, I can think of some men in the past that have hurt me, even a friend or two who's stabbed me in the back or hurt my feelings. Once, when I'd been in a car wreck and my face had been scratched up badly by broken glass, a popular girl at school made a rude comment about it. My heart has been broken. My head has been messed with. I've been driven crazy by people at work.

But all of those things add up as those life experiences that make ME stretch, grow, change, and shape who I am, who I am meant to be. So while I've had my share of crazies, jerks, and losers, they were all actually doing me a big favor- teaching me how to live this life as best as I can. And to be grateful for it. : )

Day 7: Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living

This sounds a little dramatic, doesn't it? Let me just say, life is pretty darn good for me. Not perfect, but there are certainly MANY reasons it is worth living. : )

That said..............................predictably...........Monkey is an excellent reason to live. But there are many reasons.

He makes me laugh.



He can make me crazy.



He can even make me cry (for good and bad reasons-- like by being breathtakingly adorable!).


There's something about being a mom that really gave me purpose. Before Monkey, I kind of just floated around, with no direction, and no real reason- at least I felt that way. When he was born, I felt fulfilled, I felt needed, I felt important. He gave me a sense of success- I had a baby. I made him. I cooked him in my tummy and he came out pretty cute. Lookie!

Okay, I had a little help from Hubs. Still. : ) By having Monkey, I felt meaningful. And for that alone, I am grateful.

Day 6: Something You Hope You Never Have To Do

Is it a bad sign that I can only think of incredibly awful things to write about for this topic? Nothing like, I hope I never have to eat bugs for a million dollars, or I hope I never have to be embarrassed in front of a crowd of people. Although, now that I think of it, I hope I never have to do either of those things, either. But no- my first thought was, I hope I never have to go through losing my baby. As in, I hope he doesn't die before me.

Whoa. I just went there.

It's a terrifying thought though. And definitely something I hope I never have to go through. I'm not even entirely sure I would be able to get through that. I think it would be something that would drive me over the edge of reason.

Once, when I was working at Disney World, and little boy came up to me with his mother. They were renting a stroller for the day- which happened to be Fat Tuesday. As I rolled one to the mother, she said to her little boy, "Give her one of your necklaces" and the little boy took a set of Mardi Gras beads from around his neck and handed it to me. It was then I noticed he wore a purple tee shirt that read, "Make a Wish", and a baseball cap that covered his bald head.

My heart will never forget that moment, or that little boy and his mother. That was quite a few years ago-- I don't know where either of them could be now. I only hope that they had the best of days at Disney World. And I hope they help me remember to cherish every single moment I have with my little Monkey Man.

Day 5: Something You Hope to Do in Life

This may be the broadest question ever. I mean...really? I could go on and on and on...

But I don't think that is the objective of this writing task, to read on while I chatter like a crazy monkey (although...maybe...). : )

I would say, aside from all the usual things that I've actually done-- get married, have a baby, etc-- my other big dream is to travel. Everywhere. Anywhere. Well, anywhere interesting. When I was younger I dreamed of having a passport and filling it up with all the fabulously exotic places I would go.

The sad thing is, I don't even have a passport now. So I suppose this is something that I better get crackin' on, huh? : )

Day 4: Something You Have to Forgive Someone Else For

We were never officially a couple, but in my mind he was always mine. We'd met the first time I was here in Florida, and while he lived in Jersey, and I lived in Montana, we managed to keep in contact for over two years. We'd send each other postcards and cards; we talked on the phone at least once a week (for over two hours at a time); we'd visited one another; we'd met each other's parents.

When I decided to move to Florida, he already had. It seemed as though it was all going to work so smoothly.

And then...it didn't. Then he started dating another girl. At first I was certain that he just needed to get this out of his system, that once I moved there he'd drop her and come back to me. But it wasn't the case.

Then things got messy. Me, in my crazy love sick cloud, wrote him a letter, professing my love--- yes, I realize the lameness. But I did it, and I sent it, and then I immediately texted him and said, "don't read that letter I just mailed you". He said he wouldn't. Well. Not only did he read it, he kept it. In his freakin' underwear drawer. Where his girlfriend found it.

*Insert innocent face here*

Well, she freaked. I blamed her at the time, but now I know I would have freaked too. I mean...can you imagine? Finding a love letter from another woman in your man's undies? Lord. She demanded that he cut off ALL communication with me. After he'd insisted that she and I would be the best of friends. Ha. Men are so dumb.

Of course, I was livid. Again, in the moment, I only felt my side of things. But I would have done the same as she. I would have wanted to kill me, honestly. And what was he to do? He was stuck in the middle--although, he said he was going to throw that letter away without even reading it. What was he doing stashing it? Fool.

I've gone through every emotion-- anger, betrayal, broken heartedness, back to anger, jealousy. All of it was toxic to my system.

After I met Hubby, I realized that I needed to forgive them- both. I still haven't, but I'm working on it. She took something from me- even though I am where I need to be now, she still took something that I will always wonder about. Where would I be now had that path been open? Maybe unhappy, maybe alone, maybe married to someone else...it is strange to think about. But I wouldn't have THIS Hubby, and I wouldn't have Monkey.

So. Forgiveness is needed. Thank you for screwing up, so I could have what I have now.

: )

Day 3: Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For

Boy, this is a doozy of a topic. I've got quite a few little- and not so little- things I need to just let go of, and let myself off the hook for. But it isn't as simple as that, is it?

I had a friend that I had known since kindergarten. Skiler. She was bright and funny and had a big laugh that was incredibly contagious. She had pale skin with freckles and really pretty pale green eyes. We had gone all through school together, and even after school, while we grew a part a bit, we still saw each other occasionally. We didn't stop being friends...but sometimes, when you grow up, you move on from people without even realizing it.

Well. Then I moved to Florida, had Monkey, and got married. Our wedding was in my hometown, at my parents house. Because it was at my parents house, it wasn't huge. 40 or 50 people. Unfortunately, that meant not everyone I knew was invited.
Including Skiler.

I knew that it had upset her. Honestly, I didn't even think to realize how upset she would be. I know that sounds entirely ignorant now-- even typing it, I want to kick myself. I tell myself that if SHE had gotten married and not invited ME, I would understand.

Sure.

So. The wedding was in July. November 19th, Skiler passed away.

The story was, Skiler had been in a car wreck, months before. After surviving that, months later, she had a blood clot, or something ridiculously random that stemmed back to the wreck. And she passed away. She was gone. I still think about it often; how I'd made her feel left out, uninvited. She could have been there. She SHOULD have been there. Regardless of how we'd grown apart, for the first half of my life she was there, and nothing changed that.

So, while I probably should forgive myself for leaving my relationship with her like that, I'm not sure I ever will. I have a feeling that if she could, she'd probably laugh at me and say, "Oh, you dumbass" and we'd be done with it.

But instead I'm left with sadness and guilt. And the reminder to never leave things undone with people. Just in case.

Day 2: Something You Love About Yourself

As opposed to yesterday, I'm writing about what I LOVE about myself. We, as a society, seem to avoid loving our selves. As if saying, "I'm good at this" or "I can do that" it insinuates that we're overly confident, cocky, self absorbed. But then, as I watch Nick Jr. w/ Monkey, they are constantly teaching confidence, individuality, etc. So if we're taught that from birth...where does it go? Because even just me writing this post, I'm hoping no one thinks I'm tooting my own horn too much.

ME: I love my sense of humor. I think it sometimes weirds people out, because I'm very Chandler Bing with it; if I'm uncomfortable, nervous, or the like, I make a joke. It isn't that I cannot take anything seriously. But its something comfortable with; and when I make someone laugh, there's a bit of me that calms down, and thinks, "Okay, I can handle this situation". On the flip side, I love to laugh. If someone can make me laugh, I'm instantly attracted to them. Not in a romantic way-- just in general. I want to be around people that can make me laugh, and people who laugh at me just as much. ; )

Laughter IS the best medicine, you know!

Day 1: Something You Hate About Yourself

It's probably pretty easy to think of things we do not like about ourselves. Our figures, our smiles, our hair, face, feet, legs...

We usually are quick to pick ourselves apart. It's easy- it's a defense mechanism. If we tear ourselves down first, no one else can. If we recognize any shortcomings early on, we feel as if it frees us. When, in reality, it chains us. It ties us down to what we think we are limited to. I can't be pretty because I'm fat. I can't be smart because I'm dyslexic. I'm too old for this, I'm too young for that. They all just sound like excuses, right?

However. I'm not supposed to be talking about that. I'm supposed to be talking about me.

The one thing I do not like about myself is my incessant need to avoid confrontation. Any sort. I cannot speak my mind much of the time for fear of upsetting anyone; I cannot disagree because I don't want someone to think I'm mean, or dumb, or awful. It's funny, right? I am constantly worried about what people think, it what it boils down to. Ridiculous. And the thing is? I'm actually pretty darn opinionated. I doubt people who know me- even pretty well- officially know that. Because I hide it. Because I don't want people to think, "wow, she's a big mouth" or "I can't stand being around her!"

I think that's why I enjoy blogging so much. Because I'm able to have a voice. I have my own little corner of the Internet where I can say what I want, love what I want, be mad at what I want. And if someone doesn't like it...they can simply click off. ; )

Direction!

It's been difficult for me to come up with things to write about lately. I definitely need a jump start. For some reason, day to day life isn't encouraging me enough to write. I need.......directions. Sometimes you do in writing.

So, I found this list on a lovely blog, Closed on Sunday. Check her out, she's great. She's actually working on a different list of topics at the moment, but she had this list originally posted, and I thought I'd give it a whirl.

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02: Something you love about yourself.

Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 : Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Wish me luck!

A Thought

Tonight, as Monkey was wrapped up in my old baby blanket and cuddling up against me, I thought about babies and kids and how expensive they are. And how much money one would save if they skipped kids all together.

Then, Monkey sniffled and cuddled closer. And I thought, "And how poor a life that would be."

: )

Tonight...

...A mother rocks her baby to sleep.

...A father works the late shift.

...A comic is on stage, praying for a laugh.

...A son scarfs up his dinner, because it's his only meal of the day.

...A family is watching Dancing With the Stars.

...A woman roots for change in her purse, her coin cup, her desk drawer...to buy a gallon of milk for her family.

...A girl cries herself to sleep, but cannot fully explain why.

...A young man searches the Internet for a job. Any job.

...A first kiss is shared.

...A teenager wanders the darkness, looking for a safe place to sleep.

...A wife is wondering where her husband is.

...A man is watching Monday Night Football and eating a full bag of Cheetos.

...A dream is realized.

...A group of friends is driving from LA to Vegas.

...A man is proposing to the girl of his dreams.

...A woman is packing a suitcase to leave her husband.

...A candle is burning.

...A heart is broken.


Which is you? Which is me?

The Wino In Me...

So many thoughts are running through my mind. And I'm worried I won't remember them all- maybe I won't want to, they might sound crazy or embarrassing tomorrow. But now, nothing seems impossible. Isn't alcohol great?

Fine. I'm slightly intoxicated. I'm on my third glass of wine. Number two was probably enough. But I haven't been drunkish in a long time. Its strange how good it feels. Is that irresponsible? That's probably why it feels so good. : ) Day in, day out, I'm the mama, the one who makes dinner (usually), keeps things in kind-of order, works hard, takes care of her boys, worries CONSTANTLY, etc. The wine is letting go of all of that. Even if I am sitting at home alone like a total loser.

I've been crying a lot lately, over a lot of weird things. Well, not weird. Stupid? Hmmm, no. Well, possibly. I just feel like I'm at a crossroads. MORESO...I feel like I should be at a crossroads, but I'm not. I'm almost 27 years old, and I do not have my life in order. I cannot pay bills on time. I cannot keep a handle on my end of my marriage. I get too many emotions, and I let outside factors- like the money thing- interrupt. But I'm realizing that if that marriage isn't good, the money thing won't make a difference anyway. I should be....successful, right? I mean, I know 27 is still young, but its iiiiiinching near 30, and shouldn't you really be successful, or on the road towards success, by then????

Geeeeeeeee......Glee starts Tuesday. Told you, two glasses of wine were enough.


Anyway. Tonight, I kind of gave up and decided to power through all at once. That's where the wine came in. Its funny how booze gives you the strength to realize things you already knew. I'm having a serious Scarlett O'hara "As God is my witness" moment. As in, as God is my witness, I will get through this money trouble time, and make my marriage stronger because of it.

And probably take two aspirin in the morning. : )

Yay, Weekend!

Happy Weekend, Lovers!

Well, any grand plans? We sure do...

Tomorrow, the Hubs is working, so Monkey and I are going to go
to Disney World with my BFFs! : ) Monkey hasn't been since
last holiday season, so it should be a great
time. I'm very excited to see his face as we walk
around looking for Mickey Mouse. : )

Then, on Sunday, the Hubs and I are going to his buddy's
house for a little football and BBQ. He and his wife have three
daughters, so you KNOW Monkey is going to be
running around like a little pimpster. Lord help me. Actually,
Lord help those little girls. ; )

Oh, and also- a little peek at Monkey's Halloween costume!


His Nama sent it to him- isn't it spiffy??? The wings light up
and everything! He didn't ever want to take it off.


It's a touch big, but who cares? He's still adorable. ; )

Happy weekend, ya'll!!

My Top Ten Fall Loves

If you've followed this blog for awhile now, you probably remember how obsessive I am about the holidays. Well, guess what folks? It's September 6th, Labor Day, and that means the end of summer and the beginning of another holiday season!!!

Can I get a woot-woot? No? Not even a little..."yay!"

Well, fine. Be mopey that summer is over. I suppose if I didn't live in sunny, humid, hot as hello Florida, I would be a little sad to see summer go too. My reality is that fall will most likely remain sunny and hot, which only makes my senses further insist that YES, it IS fall, dammit! It is my excuse to just go slightly over board. : )

And so, without further adieu, I present my top ten favorite things about Autumn. Enjoy!


1. Crunching, falling, changing color leaves.

2. Pumpkin flavored anything. Coffee, pancakes, bread, pie, cookies (pumpkin cookies with chocolate chips...I know they sound strange, but oooh baby...), you name it, I love it.

3. That perfect fall day. I used to LOVE them in Montana. That day where the sky is gorgeously clear and blue, the sun is shining but there's still that tiny chill in the air...most likely you are on your way to a high school football game and afterwards you'll end up at the bonfire...THAT day. Ah.

4. Carmel-apple spice from Starbucks. Delish.

5. Pumpkins. Not to be confused with number 2. This is about the decor of pumpkins. We all remember the infamous pictures of Monkey running around the pumpkin patch last year? I cannot wait to relive that. : )

6. Family. Not to say that you spend only this time of year w/ the fam, but there's just more...emphasis. This is the time of year for traditions, and traditions usually involve family- God given or the people you've claimed along the road of life.

7. My holiday wreath. This is the time of year it comes out, and then unfortunately I usually end up shoving it away in our huge hodge-podge closet after New Year's. For some reason covering it with hearts or bunnies or even American flags just doesn't do anything for me. But fake leaves or ribbon w/ snowflakes? I will buy OUT the Dollar Tree for that crap.

8. Halloween. I am afraid of everything under the sun, but there's something adorable about little kids- LITTLE kids, not your little brother running around in a Freddy mask and a pillowcase- dressed up as princesses, pirates, witches, ghosts. I love the idea of those cute little neighborhoods where everyone knows everyone and is all, "OH, let's go to the Johnson's next! They always have the best candy!" Alright, fine, so I like how Halloween was in the 1950s. ; )

9. THANKSGIVING. The parade, the football games, the food. God, the FOOOOOOD. Not only on Turkey day, but the day after...leftover turkey sandwiches are something magical.

10. FOOTBALL, baby. I love it. I love college (GO Montana Grizzlies!!), I love pro (Go Bucs....ahem...please do better this year...), I love fantasy. It is my favorite sport, and by seeing it back on TV, I know that it is also ushering in the beginnings of my favorite time of year. : )

Nightmare

I've been trying to act normal all day.

But the truth is, I don't feel normal at all.

I guess normal isn't a good word. I don't like it, in general. What
does it even mean? And why do we all have to be assumed normal?
Why is abnormal always a negative thing? It seems like some of us
try too hard to be whatever the norm is, and end up being
utterly dull.

Yuck.

So, I'm not trying to be dull. I'm trying not to curl into a little ball
and cry like a crazy woman.

My grandfather past away over two years ago now. We were pretty
close; I'm his only grandkid, so he and my Grandma always
spoiled the crap out of me. He kept candy corn in the glove compartment
of his truck for me. He'd play Barbies with me and watch cartoons
with me. He'd encourage me to get great grades- and give me $100 bills
if I got straight A's. Usually he gave in and gave it to me anyway,
assuming that my grades were good.

The last ten or so years of his live weren't fun ones. He was in
a nursing home for much it them; he lost the desire to live, I think.
He got Alzheimer's; he lost most of his strength and could hardly
walk. This was why he was in the nursing home; my 80 year old
grandmother could no longer care for him on her own. It was
an overall sad situation.

When Hubs and I got married, we had the ceremony and
reception my parents spacious and beautiful yard,
in Montana, in July 2008. While we were there, I took
Monkey to see my Grandpa in the nursing home for the first and only
time. Monkey was only six months old at the time.
Grandpa assumed he was my mother's baby.

About two weeks later, Grandpa passed away.

I always assumed and told myself that he held on long enough to see
Monkey. The timing of things just seemed so ironic; we'd had
so many close calls as far as loosing Grandpa, but he always inexplicably
bounced back. Until this time.

So. Fast forward to now. I miss him, and I think about him often. But I
hadn't actually dreamed of him until last night.

Long story short, I was on a passenger train, walking through the
cars. Grandpa was sitting on one, alone. I walked right up to him,
and he looked up at me, smiling softly. We talked for a bit, but I didn't
sit down next to him. Then, I hugged him, and called him, "Papa", which
I had never, ever done before.

The mood changed. Instead of a sweet reunion, Grandpa suddenly
pulled away from me, giving me a look of confusion, anger, and betrayal.

"You don't even know who I am," he accused.

"Yes, yes I do!" I protested. "I'm sorry, Monkey calls his grandfathers Papa."

"NO!" Grandpa yelled, and then he disappeared, leaving me alone on
the speeding train.

I woke up this morning...broken hearted. I feel like I've been kicked in the gut,
and my heart is just sad. I don't know what any of the
dream means. The train? My grandfather? Me calling him Papa, and his
upset reaction?

Any thoughts?

Home Town

The Monkey and I have a trip planned.

In October, we will both be flying to Montana for about a week. My oldest, dearest friend (we've known each other since preschool) is getting married to the love of his life on 10-10-10 (try forgetting that anniversary)- so Monkey and I are making a vacation out of it. Unfortunately, the Hubs has to work, so he'll have to skip this trip. : ( Still, I can't lie- I'm very excited to go home.

Home? Do I really still call it that? No matter where I go or what I do or who I become, yeah, it's still home, at least to parts of me. My parents house is like Tara was to Scarlett O'Hara in Gone With the Wind. I was born and raised in that house. It was hard to leave. It's hard to go back to, as well. I'm not quite sure why.

While much of me is excited- I haven't been back in 2 years- I am also nervous. I can't quite explain that, either, other than it's a small enough town to hold up to all the cliches of any small town. People gossip, word gets around, and you're always bound to run into people you aren't exactly wanting to. Old boyfriends, mean girls from high school- it's all petty stuff that shouldn't even consume my mind in the least, buuuut- it does. When I moved to Florida almost four years ago, all I heard was, "Why do you want to move there???" and "You'll be back". Everyone thought I was crazy for moving. Maybe I was. And at the time, I could give a good enough reason to make anyone understand. But now- I've met and married my husband, we've had an insanely cute and wonderful little boy (well, fine, that's just my opinion...), I'm happy. Isn't that good enough?

Then again, there are people I haven't seen in two years that I cannot wait to see. My old friends that basically GOT me through high school. Girls that were true blue best friends. The kind of friends that, even though we haven't seen each other in two years, we'll be able to sit down and talk for hours, laughing and gossiping like it's only been a few days since we've last seen one another.

Some things never change. And that is a weird and wonderful thing.

Things My Kid Has Taught Me

When you are the parent, you are supposed to be the one to impart
knowledge on you kids, not the other way around. But, somehow,
little souls seem to teach us the most simple, but important, things.



Looking good is half the battle.

Sleep is sacred.




Make and remember magical moments.








Do what you love.





Don't be afraid to try new things.

Where In the World....?

I'm not even going to bring up the fact that I haven't blogged in over a month.

After that last sentence. : ) Let's just clean slate it and move on, shall we?

It's summer. It's busy. I don't know why that's an excuse...is there any time of year that ISN'T busy? I know there is for work- especially here in FL, in the hospitality and/or golf business. There's definitely times more busy than others. But life? Life is always busy. Still, we always seem to stray more in the summer. It's interesting.

Anyway, lots has gone on. Mom's visit came and went, faster than I could have ever expected. I was crushed to find out that we were not going to be able to make it back to Montana (my home) for Christmas. The hubby's job is keeping him here for the holidays- apparently that's a busy time for retail. Who'd have known? So we are staying in Florida. BUT you never know- something exciting just might happen when you least expect it. : ) Besides, next summer we will definitely make it to Montana, and the weather will be better than anyway.

Speaking of MT, I will be going back before next summer. My oldest, dearest friend, Joe, is getting married in October. So Monkey and I will be flying back for the wedding, and a little visit. Again, the hubs has to work (work really gets in the way of life, doesn't it???), but it should be a great trip, as long as Monkey and I can survive the plane trip just the two of us. Let's cross out fingers.

And that's that! Tomorrow me and my little fam will be having breakfast at Ohana, one of the most delicious places to eat on Disney property (which is saying a lot, because Disney has the best food in general), with Lilo and Stitch. I know, you're jealous. ; ) Should be fun. The hubs and I are also going to see Inception while Monkey hangs out with one of his "aunts" (one of my BFF's Rosie). It will be great practice for her for when she has her own tricycle motor.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. Hopefully I can get the writing juices flowing and keep this updated a weeeee bit more often!

What's Shakin', Bacon*? (*This post has nothing to do with bacon. Sorry to disappoint)

- I have today off, because I have to work on Saturday. Boo to that.

- I have to get busy cleaning my house today, since it IS my day off. Why,
you ask? Aside from the fact that cleaning your house occasionally
is the normal thing to do...MOM is going to be here on SUNDAY.
Just in time for fireworks. : ) Yay!

- I am fighting the lingering feeling of a cold. Who gets colds in the
middle of the effing summer? Apparently, that's me.

- The Monkey has morphed into a terrible two. Everything is no.
I could ask him if he wanted to move into the castle at Magic
Kingdom, or offer him cookies and ice cream for dinner, he
would say no. Crazy.

- I ordered new coffee for my Keurig, and it won't be here until Friday.
Auuuugh...

- I had a giant empty glass vase, so yesterday I got plastic lemons and some
green glass stones to put in it. I wanted it to look cool- it kind of looks
ridiculous. I can't really figure out why though. Guess I'm not
meant to be fancy with fake lemons. I suppose it was a silly dream,
to have one pretentious thing. ; )

- Hubby has started a battle with a nerf gun. We have a set of "guns"- okay,
there's no " ", they are guns and they even look like real guns- that shoot
nerf bullets- he's been randomly catching me off guard and shooting me
with it. Including while I was in the shower. At night. Home alone except for
the Monkey, who was asleep. It was heart attack ensuing. So, now we
have a battle of who can catch who off guard the most. Its
what marriage is all about, right? True love.

- It is hot. I know it's summer, and I know I live in Florida, but my GOD in
sweet heaven, it is hot. Mid 90s, every day. And humidity. How I haven't
melted, I don't know. Speaking of melting, I accidentally left my cup with my
crazy straw in it in my car. Can you guess where the melting becomes
the tie-in? My crazy straw is no longer crazy. It's just sad.

- I'm watching Wag the Dog right now. I watched half of it when it came out-
I was about 13 then and it didn't make a lot of sense. Now I am old enough
to appreciate it. The same thing goes for Seinfeld. I didn't get that show at
all when it was on, because I was just a kid. Now, I find it hilarious.
Its all about perspective, huh kids?

- I'm making cupcakes tomorrow for Monkey's last day at his current daycare.
He's moving to one closer to home. I even got a fancy cupcake tote to
transport them. How cool am I? ; )

- Our 2nd anniversary is on July 5th (don't worry, we won't let the nerf
gun battle get in the way of things). This morning, Hubby announced
he knew what he wanted to do for me for our anniversary.
And then that was it. Oh, and that it was going to make me "cooler". I said,
"I don't think I can get any cooler" (haha), and he said "No, cooler like
temperature". Well, in that case, yeah, I could get cooler. But we have A/C already,
so I'm not sure what he's cooking up.


Well, house cleaning is calling my name. Lucky me!

Girls Weekend, Baby!

Girls Weekend was a success!!
We stayed in a cute little hostel place called the Pirate Haus.
All pirate themed, of course. : )

Our room was also painted like a pirate ship.

Only the finest for us classy ladies! ; )

We had an amazing weekend together, just laughing
and talking like us girls do.

We ate.

A lot.

This was key lime cheesecake. YUMMM...

We drank.

A lot.

This was at the Tini Martini Bar.

Rosie had a Cappacino-tini.

I had a Tahiti-tini.

Kelly had a raspberry beer.

We went to the beach!!
We saw dolphins and flying fish swimming
right near us. It was amazing.

We saw some funny things, like this sign
Um...really?

All in all, it was a great weekend. And even
though we had so much fun, I am actually glad to be home.

Isn't that one of the strange and great things about vacation?
That no matter how fun and exciting and adventurous it is, you are
always thankful and happy to be back home, and back to normal.
It makes you remember how great your every day life is. No, its
not perfect, and yes you definitely need those little breaks to remind you
of how good you've got it, but I think the definition of being blessed is to
be on vacation and miss your life back home. : )

Hope ya'll had a great weekend!!

Fun Spot...Not An Innuendo (At Least In This Case)

Also for Early Father's Day, we went to a place here in Orlando

called Fun Spot. Its basically just a permenant carnival, with race cars,
a roller coaster, a giant fun slide, bumper cars, etc.

Hubby decided he wanted to take Monkey, so we did.




Talk about a fun time! It is amazing how much fun you have by
making sure your kid is having fun. Monkey was such a trooper- he
rode everything, never seemed scared of anything (I, on the other hand, was and
am afraid of everything...yes, I am lame). Hubby went on everything
with him. I was the photographer.


And I got some great shots!!




It was soooo flippin' hot, so we only stayed for about two hours, but
we had a blast. And we wore little Monkey out- he went right down for bed without
any fight. Success!

Present!

I know you've probably been logging in every 15 minutes just itching to know what Hubby's Father's Day present was. ; )

Well...




That's right, a foosball table! It's a portable table topper one- because you just never know when you'll need to be on the run with a foosball table. ; ) So maybe not the most practical gift, but I think he liked it. Also, I made a little "free boys night" coupon to go with it- I'm constantly doing fun stuff with my girlfriends, so I felt it was about time that he had a freebie boys night. Now we just need to find the time for him to do it!

So what do you think? A good present or no? Please remember that it took me over two hours to put the bleeping thing together (well, part of the time I was on the phone with my mom, so the project wasn't initially getting my full attention!).

Upcoming Events

I've got a few things on deck in the nearing future....

- Due to "things on deck", we are celebrating Father's Day tomorrow. I've got a surprise present for hubby that got delivered on Friday. Since he was off on Friday, I was worried that he would intercept it accidentally. I had this big goal-dream that I could pull a surprise off and seem impossibly smooth and clever. So...

*Phone call to Hubby*

Savvy: "Please do me a favor, and don't touch anything on the porch."
Hubby: "Anything?"
Savvy: "Anything."
Hubby: "What if there's a dead body?"
Savvy: "I'll take care of it."
Hubby: "What if there's a giant pile of poop?"
Savvy: "I'll take care of it."
Hubby: "Wow. Uh, why didn't you just tell me to park in the garage and come in the back way?"

...Because THAT wouldn't be nearly as fun, and I wouldn't have a ridiculous story to blog about, proving that no matter what, I cannot be smooth. Or clever. *sigh*

Anyway, it's alright, because he wouldn't ever guess what it is. Do you want to know?

...well, too bad! Like I'd put a super surprise secret out on the Internet! You'll just have to wait like he has to. I know, its tough. : )

So. Tomorrow is our Father's Day. Not to be confused with everyone else's Father's Day. Don't send yourself into a panic. You've still got a week.

NOW, the reason we're having Father's Day a week early is because Monkey is going to Grandma's house for the weekend. The whole weekend! Its her birthday on Saturday, so they are sharing the weekend together. Since he's going to be busy, I decided this would be the perfect weekend to go have a little girls weekend with two of my best girls! SO we are going to St. Augustine for the weekend! I'm definitely looking forward to a weekend of relaxing, drinking, soaking up sun, and a little shopping. Yay!

There you have it. My few new things on the horizon. I know this week will probably feel like it lasts a month or so, but I'm still excited.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!!!

Projects...

I've been thinking and/or starting a few new projects...

- Making sun tea. *check*

- Painting and/or giving the house a few new fun
touches.

- Cleaning out my disaster of a closet. This one is in the mix; I'm
working on it. Its a big project.

- Clean out my car! For crying out loud!

- Figure out what's for dinner (I'm working on this...there will be
chicken involved).

- Make cookies from scratch. *check* I did this yesterday!

- Go to the ZOO that I didn't know existed!! ...well, we were going
to do this today, buuut its supposed to rain. It hasn't yet, but it will. Maybe.
And even if its not, its hot as hello outside. Not the best equation for
fun times w/ a two year old. : )

....the funny thing? I should come back to this list and check stuff off.
Do you think I will??? : )

We'll see!!

Girl's Night!

Remember, I said there'd be pics from the Sex and the City 2 Girls Night Extravaganza! : )

We started with dinner and drinks at the fabulous Maggiano's- seriously, if you live within 50 miles of one, GO. Everything is delish. Every. Thing.

We laughed. A lot.

We posed for pictures, like the model-y types that we are. : )

....And, of course, we saw the flick. It wasn't as good as the first one, I
have to say, BUT we still had a grand time!

Play Day

So yesterday was supposed to be a day of just the three of us: the hubby, myself, and the Monkey. We had all sorts of plans: go to the playground, go swimming, go grocery shopping, then a bowling party for Hubs' work.

Well....

After breakfast we did go to the playground. Monkey had a grand time climbing all over the jungle gym, going down the slides, and being pushed on the swing. I liked swinging, too! : ) Its funny how something so simple takes you back and makes you feel a little younger- and also, a little older, since afterwards I was actually winded from kicking to swing higher. What the heck?






Afterwards, we loaded Monkey back up in the car (which was a struggle, since he always acts like leaving the playground is the end of the universe as he knows it) and took him home for a nap. He was out before we even made it home, which wasn't surprising. Since he was napping, I thought I would take a nap too.

*******

Five hours later.......


Seriously. Five hours. I slept for FIVE HOURS. That's more sleep that I sometimes even get at night! I couldn't believe it. And I felt guilty because here we were, on Family Day, and I had slept through it. *pout* The Hubs didn't seem too upset about it, and we did go to dinner together (the bowling party got postponed..), but...yeesh. I think that's my problem w/ three day weekends- I think I have ALL this spare time, when really it goes about ten times as fast as any normal time. How unfair is that??


Look for a future entry about girl's night out for Sex And The City.......the movie was a disappointment, but the fun times weren't! : ) I'm just waiting for pics, since I was a total dolt and forgot my camera.

Happy Memorial Weekend, all! Take a moment to remember what its all about. ; )

Grown Ups Need Fun Too!

I am still alive. I know I randomly disappear. I just get distracted/busy/lazy. None of those are acceptable excuses, since the whole reason I started this blog was to keep myself writing.

Anyway.......

Last Friday I took a day off to spend with the hubs. You know how life just can get in the way? We were in that funk. Life was separating us. Our schedules are so backwards, that it got to the point where I said "enough" and took a day from work to just be with him.

We ended up taking Monkey to daycare, and then went to Downtown Disney. We spent the whole day there and had a blast!

We went up in the giant helium balloon, Characters In Flight, which was AWESOME....







We had ice cream at Ghiredelli, we perused and shopped a bit.....




....we walked a lot and sweat quite a bit (whew, it was HOT! About 90), we smoked cigars, AND we went to happy hour at House of Blues.




It was a great day. Sometimes you just need a break from reality. Sometimes just a day brings you back to where you were and who you are. From there, the future seems all the more brighter.

Flower and Garden Festival, 2010

On Thursday, the bestie and I both had the day
off from work. So we decided to go to EPCOT to enjoy
the Flower and Garden Festival.


They focus especially on the character topiaries, but also
have their usual flower beds in tip-top shape. It is my favorite thing
about Springtime, and I am fortunate enough to have a friend
that will take me along. : )



The weather was...not very springy. It was more like...August.
August on the Sun. It was HOT. And muggy. And then it got
stormy, which you would think would be refreshing. But it
wasn't. It like taking a warm shower. Okay, actually that sounds lovely,
so just try to imagine a warm shower, minus the loveliness. : )

ANYWAY...we didn't let it bring us down. We had a ball.

Trying on the stylish headwear @ Mexico on the World Showcase!


I mean, that isn't too difficult for us. We can have fun in a
paper sack. That's just how we roll.

Mickey and Minnie!




Let's face it- we just look awesome in hats. : )


No matter who you are, where you live, what your beliefs are,
you must have that moment when you walk into a Disney park and
feel transplanted into a magical land. I have worked there, I have
seen all the Beast-ness behind the Beauty, and I still feel
and see the magic. You just have to let yourself fall into it. : )

There. That's my sappy soapbox speech for the day! Consider yourself
lectured.

Don't Forget Your Mama!

Just a friendly reminder to send a card/give a call/get some flowers/show some love
to your MAMA this Sunday!

It snuck up on me. That's why I'm mentioning it. ; ) Thankfully, I was in a crafty mood,
and made a bunch of cards for the special ladies in our world.

We have a lot. I guess that's what happens when you have a big, jumbled up family. And
I never realized how important Mother's Day was until I became one. I know,
that is selfish and ridiculous. What I mean is, it was a day that I tried to do nice things
for my mom, but I never knew how those things would ever become some of her best
memories and most cherished treasures.

Last Mother's Day, Monkey came home from school with a present for me that he'd worked
really hard on. Even at just one year old, you could tell he was excited about it. It was "wrapped"
in a brown paper bag, and came with a card. Inside the bag was a paperweight.

Alright. It was a rock painted blue. But that paperweight was the best present I'd ever gotten. It was
the first thing Monkey had made just for me, and it was an incredible feeling. It was in that moment
that I knew how my mother felt all those years about me and my poorly constructed art projects. She
applauded them more than anything store-bought.

That's the great thing about moms. They always see their kids in their best light. My mother
is convinced that I am the smartest, prettiest, funniest girl around. I'm convinced my kid
is adorable, a genius, a delight. At the end of the day, we may or may not be totally right ; ) but
it doesn't really matter. Cuz if Mama's happy, we're allllllll happy.



A mom forgives us all our faults, not to mention one or two we don't even have. ~Robert Brault

A Mother's Heart

Tonight, because of the rain, I was rocking Monkey to
sleep. I had him cradled in my arms, even though he is getting a little too long to
comfortably rock-a-bye in that chair, and I was singing "The Wheels On The Bus" (for some reason, his favorite song to fall asleep to).


Randomly, for no seemingly particular reason, he took his little hand and used it
to pull my face down so he could plant a big kiss on
my lips. Then he let go, and patted my cheek with that same little hand.


And my heart just burst.