So many thoughts are running through my mind. And I'm worried I won't remember them all- maybe I won't want to, they might sound crazy or embarrassing tomorrow. But now, nothing seems impossible. Isn't alcohol great?
Fine. I'm slightly intoxicated. I'm on my third glass of wine. Number two was probably enough. But I haven't been drunkish in a long time. Its strange how good it feels. Is that irresponsible? That's probably why it feels so good. : ) Day in, day out, I'm the mama, the one who makes dinner (usually), keeps things in kind-of order, works hard, takes care of her boys, worries CONSTANTLY, etc. The wine is letting go of all of that. Even if I am sitting at home alone like a total loser.
I've been crying a lot lately, over a lot of weird things. Well, not weird. Stupid? Hmmm, no. Well, possibly. I just feel like I'm at a crossroads. MORESO...I feel like I should be at a crossroads, but I'm not. I'm almost 27 years old, and I do not have my life in order. I cannot pay bills on time. I cannot keep a handle on my end of my marriage. I get too many emotions, and I let outside factors- like the money thing- interrupt. But I'm realizing that if that marriage isn't good, the money thing won't make a difference anyway. I should be....successful, right? I mean, I know 27 is still young, but its iiiiiinching near 30, and shouldn't you really be successful, or on the road towards success, by then????
Geeeeeeeee......Glee starts Tuesday. Told you, two glasses of wine were enough.
Anyway. Tonight, I kind of gave up and decided to power through all at once. That's where the wine came in. Its funny how booze gives you the strength to realize things you already knew. I'm having a serious Scarlett O'hara "As God is my witness" moment. As in, as God is my witness, I will get through this money trouble time, and make my marriage stronger because of it.
And probably take two aspirin in the morning. : )
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