New Year

 

New Years always finds me in a melancholy mood. I’ve never been able to figure out why. Maybe because for a few years I always wanted someone to spend it with, and it never seemed to work out, so now its in my system to just feel blue no matter what. I know, that sounds ridiculous. And honestly, I don’t think that’s the answer. Because I’ve felt this way even before I was old enough to care about being alone or not on New Years.

I think my mind just ends up focusing on it being the end of something, as opposed to a new beginning. I also think that after New Years, its my birthday, and then I feel like the holidays are really over. Now I can stretch it out a bit longer, since the Monkey’s birthday is on January 8th (he’ll be TWO!!). Still, the end of another holiday season is never fun. I hate taking down the Christmas decorations. I hate the end of fun, family, presents and tinsel. And when I lived in Montana, I hated that never ending winter that had somehow lost its white sparkly charm, and had traded that in for dingy old snow that made a mess of everything.

Still, I try to focus on the positive. This year, especially. I have so many things that are good in my life, and so many upcoming opportunities this year that are promising. I just need to remember to enjoy what I have now, and even though the future is not a guarantee, it is always something to hope for.

Happy 2010, all. See ya next year. ; )

Christmas Blog #22: Pack pack pack

 

I have never packed to go anywhere for Christmas before. It’s strange. I always watched “Home Alone” and wondered what it would be like to actually be crazy the night before a big trip with family.

Tonight, I finally get to find out.

We are flying out tomorrow alllllll the way to California, for Christmas. It’s exciting, really. And a little stressful. I want to make sure to pack everything, I want to make sure I have plenty of things to keep the Monkey entertained on the flight, we have to check in and print our boarding passes (the Hubs did that), we have to GO TO BED because the flight leaves pretty early and we need to be at the airport even earlier, because let’s face it, its going to be a madhouse…..ack! I really enjoy travel. I really do. It just doesn’t sound like I do.

I’m eager to get to California. I’m eager for everyone there to see Monkey- most of them haven’t seen him in at least a year, some more. I’m excited to watch everyone spoil and love him.

But before that, I suppose I better stop blogging…and get packing!

Christmas Blog #21: Big kid present?

 

Like I said yesterday, we got presents from my parents delivered.

I know you’re all dying to know what I got.

You are, aren’t you?

Well…

A dust buster. That’s right. A dust buster.

Honestly, its pretty much all I wanted. I’m jacked. I can’t wait to start following the Monkey around with it as he drops Cherrios, cheese, Goldfish, cookie crumbs…

However, I do think its kind of funny that I have actually made it to the point in my life where I WANT a dust buster as a present. If you’d have told my ten year old self I would end up here, I’d probably lose my mind.

But today, now, it suits me just fine.

Christmas Blog #20: Proof

…That kids will play with the box that any toy, no matter how impressive, came in.

Today, we got two big boxes from my parents in Montana. I unloaded one that was full of presents and let the Monkey play with it while I was occupied with something else. When I turned back to him, he had tossed his baseball in the box, and was diving in to get it.

Isn’t that another great thing about being a kid? Everything is something else to you. I remember my grandma having this bright magenta colored tissue paper that for the longest time I used to dance around with as if I were a prima ballerina. Even typing that now it makes me smile, because I know it sounds a bit ridiculous. At the time, that tissue paper was my life.

We all convince ourselves that we need all these grand fancy, shiny things. that we won’t survive without an Xbox 360, a Wii, the latest and greatest I-pod, etc. When, really, we can survive. Not only can we survive, but we’re probably just as happy- if not happier- without it. And seriously, that Wii thing really bothers me- everyone is always saying how its so great to stay fit, but can’t you just go outside and play instead?

I just miss the days of simplicity. Of days where we went outside to play, and used our imagination as opposed to sitting in front of the TV all day. I know I feel less intelligent by the day, and I don’t think its because I’m stupid, but by what I surround myself by. I know I surround myself with too much- there have been times that I’ve been on the computer, with music on, in front of the TV, which is also on. Why? What do I need all of that for? No wonder I have a headache much of the time.

This holiday season, I hope you remember to slow down, chill out, and enjoy the simplicity of the season. A snowflake in your eyelash. A starry night. A smile from a stranger. Enjoy it, and cherish it.

Christmas Blog #19: Thoughtful Presents

 

Of all the Christmas traditions, I gotta say present shopping is my least favorite. Not really because I’m cheap (well….I am, but that’s not my reason), but because it has become so stressful. I hate that feeling of wandering in a store aimlessly, trying to find something, anything, for someone, with that constant “What to get, what to get, what to get…” mantra going off in your mind, until finally, you are pressured by said mantra to buy something completely unnecessary and probably overly priced. Ugh.

The only time I like giving presents is when I know that I’ve got something that the person is going to love. Something that is going to make them either laugh or cry, something that is either going to touch their hearts or really make them realize that, wow, she really cares about me. I love that.

One of my better presents has been something I made. One year, I made a photo album filled with old pics for my dad. I decorated it with stickers and quotes. I remember how much he loved it, and how special it seemed to him. And that was one of the best feelings ever.

I just find it sad that the thought has gone out of presents. All it is now is stress, or impersonal. You can go to Wal-Mart and pick out a gift card for dozens of different places. You can order things online instantly and have them gift wrapped and shipped to whomever they are going to. Sure, its handy; but is that the best way to tell each other that we love them?

I love presents. Don’t we all? However, I would prefer a hug and kiss any day. It makes me sad that we all feel so pressured by present buying, and that we forget what this time of year is really about. Regardless of your beliefs, I like to think that we all consider this a time to be with family, friends, and those close to us.

I hope you are able to take a moment during the hustle and bustle of the season to remember what is important to you. : )

Christmas Blog #18: Football, baby!

 

Football is tradition to me. I grew up watching pro football on TV with my father, and have always loved it. I love the game, and I loved bonding with my father over it. Now that I’m married, its something my hubby and I bond over as well. : ) For the holidays, its even more of a tradition. Its right up there with turkey, pumpkin pie, and candy canes.

Because of my brief stint in college, I am a die-hard Montana Grizzlies fan. I bleed silver and maroon. And tonight, I am watching them on ESPN- one of the two times I really can in the year, assuming we make play offs all the way up to the championship. Since we are such a small school, we just don’t get the attention that some others do. Which…is alright. No, it sucks, because we’re good. We deserve attention and opportunities and credit. We on playing for a perfect season tonight. Most teams that play like that get fawned over. We get a pat on the head and sent back home to our frigid snow banks.

But I’m not bitter. Because all us MT folk know the truth. We are tough, and we can take any of your Gators, your Red Knights, your Crimson Tide, any day. ; )

Christmas Blog #17: Snooping

 

I have only snooped at Christmas presents once in my whole life. I don’t remember how old I was; maybe six or seven. I wanted this certain Barbie doll so impossibly bad. Remember how one little thing like a doll seemed like your whole life?

I found my mother’s stash of Christmas presents in one of the spare closets. I would sneak back on a daily basis and look at one certain gift with my name on it. I would stare at it until I heard my mother looking for me.

Finally, I couldn’t bear it anymore. Just a few days before Christmas, I peeled back the paper on the corner of my present, and saw that familiar bright Barbie pink. And I knew.

I knew.

Instead of feeling giddy for knowing that I would get that Barbie I’d longed for, I felt disappointed in myself. Now I knew that Christmas wouldn’t be as special. It wouldn’t be as fun, because the surprise was gone. Granted, I was spoiled and got more than one present; still, it felt like I had ruined the spirit somehow.

I never snooped after that. I don’t even think I ever told my mother (sorry, Mama). But no punishment could have taught a better lesson- a lesson I had taught myself already.

Christmas Blog #16: These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

 

1. Hot Cocoa.

2. Pretty wrapping paper

3. Christmas carolers (does anyone do this anymore?)

4. Nativity scenes.

5. Cookies. About 300 different kinds.

6. Family time.

7. Twinkle lights.

8. Mittens. I know, I live in Florida and have no purpose for such things. But they are cute.

9. The smell of a fresh cut Christmas tree.

10. A surprise gift.

11. Hope.

12. Turning the radio on the day after Thanksgiving and hearing that first Christmas song of the season.

13. Big, fancy, beautiful ribbons.

14. Snow. (this goes along with mittens)

15. Love.

16. Glitter.

17. Movies. Classics and just going to the movies around Christmas time. It just seems more magical somehow.

18. Holiday season at Disney World. If you’ve never been, I highly recommend it.

19. Bells.

20. Candy canes.

Christmas Blog #15: Christmas Cards, Take Two

We finally got our first Christmas cards today. One was from friends of the hubby’s, who I will probably meet while we’re out in CA for Christmas. The second…let’s see. The second was from one of my best friend’s parents, who also happen to be my ex-fiancee’s parents. My ex-almost-in-laws? Uh-huh. You can take the girl outta the country…

It always makes me bittersweet getting a Christmas card from them. Not because I regret where I am now, and not because I’m unhappy. I’m very happy. And I know that the path I took to bring me where I am now was the right one. Still…sometimes when you look back, instead of all the crazy drama and pain, all you see are the happy times. I suppose that is a good thing, but it almost hurts more.

Now, I am happily married, and he is not only dating again, but apparently pretty serious- they’ve moved in together. And that really, truly makes me happy for him. It is hard to let people go, especially when they are someone that you had “claim” to for so long. But he let me go when I began dating the Hubs; I can’t honestly say when I let him go. Maybe it was before I even moved away. Maybe it was when I had a baby; maybe it was when I got married. I’m not sure. But knowing that he is out in the world and happy is enough for this heart of mine.

Funny how all that can come from one little Christmas card. All its purpose was to bring a little holiday cheer. But every year that particular card brings a rush of feelings that flood my soul, if only for a moment. To know one’s self, I do believe that you must not only know where you’re going, but where you came from.

Christmas Blog #14: Its A Wonderful Life

 

Like “White Christmas”, I hadn’t seen “Its a Wonderful Life” before the hubby came along. I know, I’m lame. I’m not sure why I’d never seen it. It just never happened.

To the hubby, its a very special movie. He had a moment in his life when he was younger where he felt unnecessary, worthless, and not wanting to keep fighting the good fight, just like George. At that point his mother sat him down and had him watch “Its A Wonderful Life”. It was a really eye opening message for him. He realized that life was worth living, and that he was worth having around.

I think we all have those moments that we feel like we have no purpose. I know I have. When I was a sophomore in high school I had a time that was pretty dark and depressing. In the midst of that, I got in a nasty wreck that totaled my truck. I walked away with two black eyes and a few stitches. I have a scar on my face from it, and it reminds me to never give up on life, even if I feel at times that it has given up on me.

Now, our tradition is to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” every December 13th, just like the Hubs did on that first night that his mother sat him down to watch it years ago.

I like to think it keeps us both in check.

Christmas Blog #13: Breakfast with Santa

 

Today, the hubby had to go into work to play Santa for the golf club’s Breakfast with Santa. : ) We ended up meeting the Monkey with his grandparents for breakfast, and Monkey got to meet Santa. ; ) Actually, I was a little nervous that he would recognize his daddy, but I don’t think he did.

It was amazingly sweet to see all the kids light up when Santa walked into the room. A little boy in a dress shirt and tie started bouncing in his seat. A little girl’s eyes got wide. And…a little baby girl started crying. Ha. Oops. Still, it was nice to be around some innocence for awhile.

Isn’t the world a scary place? I try not to think about it, its too stressful. But being around kids, especially at Christmas time, really brings you back to a safer, happier mental state. The way they believe in all things magical is so inspiring.

I hope you can manage to believe in the magic this season, as well. : )

Christmas Blog #12: Stockings

Is it me, or are Christmas stockings one of the more bizarre traditions we have? Putting presents in socks, really? There are quite a few theories. The Dutch believe its from their history of putting hay in their shoes for the reindeer. Another story is of an English nobleman who’s wife died, leaving him with his three daughters. They ended up losing everything, including all their money. One Christmas night, Santa peeked into their house and saw the daughter’s clean stockings hanging up to dry, and he put gold coins in them.

I guess everyone has some version of the whole stocking thing. Children in Italy and France put their shoes by the fireplace for treats as well.

When I was a kid, Santa always stuffed my stocking with great treats. CDs, chapstick (which has been my best friend since the first time I saw my mother use it), candy…and usually an apple and orange. Santa wanted me to be healthy, apparently. ; ) Stockings were always the first thing we did in the morning. I was usually allowed to open my stocking while my mother showered and dressed, and my grandparents were still on their way over for presents.

Today, we have our three stockings up on the wall. We don’t really use them- yet. I figure when Monkey is a little older, we will start a stocking tradition of some sort. Right now, this is only his second Christmas, and I think its going to still be a little overwhelming. : )

Still, they are pretty, and a sweet reminder of tradition.

Christmas Blog #11: Cards

When I was a kid, my parents had friends that sent the most obnoxious Christmas cards, ones with an attached letter that went on and on about how perfect their kids were. The girl had a 4.0, spoke three languages, and spent her summer vacation helping orphans in Russia- or something like that. The boy played every sport under the sun, and was- of course- the best at all of them.

Their happy Brady Bunch family-ness always cracked me and my mother up. We always joked about how we should send one to them saying how I had dropped out of school to join the circus. We never did- probably a good thing!

All of that said, I love sending Christmas cards. My goal is to have my cards ready to send the day after Thanksgiving. I like my card to be the first one that everyone gets. I go to the store and pick out the prettiest cards I can find. Now that I’m married and have the Monkey, we get professional pictures taken, and I send those stuffed in my pretty cards. I refrain from writing a letter about every amazing detail about my kid (that’s what my blog is for, right? HA!).

Now, every year that I sit down and get my cards ready for all my loved ones, I think of our perfect-family friends and smile. I smile because now, I’m not so different. My family isn’t perfect- but they are something I am proud of, and can’t help but share with everyone. So I suppose, now I get it. : )

Christmas Blog #10: Feeling Blue?

Sometimes, even in the midst of a joyous season, the blues find you. Even me, the girl who loves Christmas so much that she struggles to not put her tree up before Thanksgiving. Those sad moments still sneak up on me.

It could be for a million different reasons: maybe you remember all the people that aren’t here to celebrate Christmas with us anymore. Maybe the stress of buying presents, getting party food ready, and making sure everything is perfect, gets to your head. And maybe you just don’t have a reason.

Yesterday, the blues got me. I got home before the boys, and the house was quiet,except for the sadness that suddenly overwhelmed me. I thought of my grandpa, who never liked Christmas to begin with, but he was always a part of mine, so of course I miss him now that he’s gone. I thought of one of my oldest friends who I’d known since kindergarten, who past away a year ago now. I thought of yet again not spending the holidays with my family back home.

So what do you do? How do you get rid of those nasty blues? I think we all have our own little ways of cheering ourselves up. My cure last night was watching A Charlie Brown Christmas and drinking hot cocoa with my hubby. I guess the best cure in general is to remember the good things in life.

But really, hot cocoa almost always does the trick. : )

Christmas Blog #9: S-N-O-W

 

It’s probably an easy assumption to make that since I moved to Florida, I hate snow. I don’t. I actually really love playing in the snow. For about fifteen minutes at a time. After that, I’m about tapped out. And by tapped out, I mean I don’t want to be in it, I don’t want to be cold, and I don’t want to drive in it.

If teleporting would just hurry up and get invented already, I’d be set. ; )

Growing up, we had really cold and really snowy winters in Montana. That typical, traditional White Christmas weather. And as a kid, it was freakin’ awesome. Because as a kid, you don’t have to worry about the responsibilities of cold weather. You don’t have to worry about dressing everyone in the family warmly, or paying for the heat, or making sure the car is going to run in the morning when its twenty below. All you care about is making snow angels and praying for a snow day so you don’t have to go to school. Believe me, I had no qualms about that! I remember times when the snow was drifted over our car garage doors, and once how my brother helped me make a tunnel through a huge snow drift in our back yard.

Today, even though I’m happy in my sunny Florida, it is still a little strange to my system having a seventy degree Christmas. This will be my fourth Christmas here, and I’ve decided that I will never quite adjust to a Christmas that doesn’t look like my first 21. And I also wonder how Monkey’s view of Christmas will be- since his first views of Christmas won’t be with snow.

What do you think? Do you need a White Christmas? Or do you prefer yours next to a palm tree?

Christmas Blog #8: Presents That Can’t Wait

 

My husband can’t wait until Christmas. Not to open his own presents, but to give presents. He also can’t keep secrets, but that’s another blog. ; )

December 2007 found me largely prego. I like to think of that time as one of the happiest times of my life- up to this point. : )

One night, while I was in the kitchen in my sweats and an oversized tee shirt to cover my baby bump, the hubs came in through the front door of our apartment in a rush. I could tell instantly that he had something up his sleeve, and I knew that it wouldn’t be long before I found out what it was.

Sure enough, he then asked me to go sit on the sofa. I did so. He then nervously got on a knee. I remember my breath catching a bit, but I tried not to read into it- he would often get on one knee when I was pregnant to put his head on my tummy.

But then he said it. That question that all us girls want to hear: “Will you marry me?” Actually, he started with, “I was supposed to wait until Christmas day, but I can’t…” I remember him looking up at me with those gorgeously hazel eyes, all expectant and hopeful, and just slightly tinged with uncertainty. As if he thought I would decline.

Obviously, we know the ended of this story. We got married and lived happily ever after! Well, mostly. : ) Life isn’t quite a fairy tale, is it? But ours is still very, very good. And every December, I remember the proposal, and the love that made me say yes.

Christmas Blog #7: Cookies

The Monkey and I woke up early this morning, so we decided to get our grocery shopping done early. I’m bizarre because I actually really enjoy going grocery shopping. I don’t know why. I think there’s some weirdly domestic part of me that gets a kick out of shopping with my kid in the cart. Either way, I always look forward to shopping every Saturday with Monkey.

We found oodles of deals today, too! Which is always great. Once in a blue moon the store seems to put everything you need on sale. Then it feels like its meant to be. : )

Our afternoon plan was to bake cookies- after naptime, of course. Since Monkey is almost two, he’s more and more interactive, and always wants to help, so I thought cookie decorating would be fun. And I *promised* myself that I wouldn’t flip out over the mess that would be made. : )

We had a blast! We made sugar and gingerbread cookies. I cut them out with our little cookie cutters, and then Monkey sprinkled them. He had a great time taking his sprinkle job very seriously, and was very upset when I said it was time to stop so we could put the cookies in the oven to bake. Oops!

Still, they turned out great. We are a good team- aside from the temper tantrums! It was a great way to spend a Christmassy afternoon.

Christmas Blog #6: Charlie Brown

 

Haven’t we all had a time where we’ve felt like Charlie Brown? Where we get rocks instead of candy for Halloween, picked the most shriveled Christmas tree, and never gets invited to parties (all metaphorically speaking, of course)? I think that’s why we all have a soft spot for him. We understand.

I love how Charlie Brown picks that sad little tree. How he wants to give it love, just like we all need. I personally think all Christmas trees are beautiful. I really do. Put twinkle lights on anything and I’m sold. : )

Monkey is still a bit young to really focus on anything on TV- unless its Blue’s Clues. ; ) But I hope someday we can have a tradition of watching Charlie Brown, and all of his holiday specials.

Whew…Real Moment

Boy, this whole month of holiday themed writing is already getting to me.

Probably not a good sign. But, I’m a woman who sticks to her guns. Which is another way of saying, I’M STUBBORN.

Shocker.

Anyway…TGIF, my dear readers! Thank goodness and God indeed. This week was insanity in my world. The hubs has a big golf tournament going on, its the end of the month work for us accounting people (joy), PLUS our resort is getting a new management company, and this of all weeks they decided needed to be orientation week. Sigh. Oh, and did I mention the BFF getting her tonsils removed? Yeah. Talk about crazy.

Needless to say, the weekend plans are very minimal. I hope. I’d like to make some cookies with the Monkey- I think he’d like decorating them. That could be another project like my Christmas blogging that drowns me, but…we’ll see. I’ll keep you posted- and I know you’ll all be breathless with anticipation! : )

Happy weekend, all!

Christmas Blog #5: Shopping

 

  It was a tradition I don’t remember the beginning of. One night before Christmas, my father and I would go Christmas shopping for my mom and the rest of the family, just him and me. We would first go have dinner, usually at the Chinese restaurant in town that we both loved, and then off to the mall.

  I know I’ve mentioned this before, but its something from my childhood that I cherish so much, that I have to write about it again.

  When I was little, I remember going to school and playing it off that “oh, I have to go shopping with my dad tonight…” but deep down, I knew that I was giddy. I loved my daddy, and I loved that one night that we bonded over Chinese food and shopping for our loved ones. I loved having that one on one time with him, where I was the one holding his attention, making him laugh, and hopefully making him love me even more. I know it sounds a little desperate; but always, deep down, I wanted my father’s respect and approval. He was a good man, and I just wanted to do good by him, even at a young age.

  After a successful night of shopping, we would somehow manage to sneak all our finds into the house, where I would stash them in my room, and eventually I would then wrap them all lovingly. We were a good team. And I knew that someday, I would want and have a husband just like my father, who bought pretty things for my mama out of love for her.

  This will be the fourth Christmas that I won’t spend with my parents. They live in Montana, while I’m in Florida. While it was my own choice to move so far away, and I can’t say I regret it because its brought me many good things in my life, there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t miss my parents. And the holiday season only intensifies that twinge of sadness. The only comfort I have is that they know I am happy, safe, and living my life the way I want. As a parent now myself, I know that there is nothing more you can ask of your child. : )

  And the best part? I still have those awesome memories of Daddy and I, shopping, laughing, and eating fortune cookies.

 

** This entry is dedicated to my Daddy. Merry Christmas, Daddy- I love you, always. **

Christmas Blog #4: Joseph, the Carpenter

 

If there was ever one place I was completely comfortable in high school, it was in Youth Group at church. I had such an amazing support system, mostly with the friends that I had made through confirmation. It was basically three guys and me. I loved them like brothers. Well, more like friends of a brother, since I had crushes on all of them at some point. ; )

Every Christmas, the high school youth would conduct a service for the whole congregation. We usually ended up doing some sort of play/skit type of thing, complete with readings, songs, and reenactments of the traditional first Christmas scene.

One Christmas in particular called for a large speaking role from Joseph. Every scene began the same way, with Joseph going to the tax collector’s to register. Our leaders decided that it would be best for someone with a good, loud-projecting voice to play the part of Joseph, and they asked for volunteers. Only one hand went up.

Mine.

What? You think my acting abilities aren’t good enough to play a carpenter that just happened to raise the baby Jesus here on Earth? Please. ; )

Actually, I do think there were some people (Pastor?) who at first had a slight issue with it. But the Sunday after Christmas, when we performed, I don’t think anyone could deny that I was the best- and probably loudest- Joseph they had ever seen. Our congregation was an older one, and all the foggies loved me in my carpenter overalls with my long hair tucked into a cap. But they mostly liked me because they could hear every word I said.

I still look back on that and can’t help but smile. When I was little, I was so incredibly shy. I clung to my mother and never wanted to talk to anyone I didn’t know.

I’ve come a long way, baby. : )

Christmas Blog #3: Grinch

It was tradition, as many things are at Christmastime.

Every holiday season, my mom and I would watch “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”. It had always been her favorite, and so by default, it was mine as well. We would laugh at Max, with that poor antler tied to his head, and sing the song in our “best” deep voices, and oooh and little Cindy-Lou Who, who was so tiny and cute.

When the live action version came out, with Jim Carrey, we saw it, but it wasn’t the same. Of course. Nothing compares to the OG, right?

When it comes on now, I still watch it. And I still laugh, and sing along, and think Cindy-Lou is adorable. But its not the same without my Mama.

This one’s for you, Ma. Merry Christmas. xoxo

Christmas Blog #2: Santa

I was afraid of Santa. I was in awe of him, I think, but I was also afraid of him. We only have two pictures of me and Santa from when I was a kid. I’m not sure if I somehow knew that the guy in the department store wasn’t the real Santa, or what. I honestly don’t even remember when I stopped believing.

I only remember one time that I was totally jacked about Santa. I was maybe six, and it was Christmas Eve. I woke up in the middle of the night (or at least, that is what I thought), to a quiet, dark house. I suddenly heard from the living room the sound of a coaster clicking on the table, where I had oh-so-carefully placed Santa’s milk and cookies. I was, at that moment, convinced.

I’m not sure what happened later on to make me change my mind. But a part of me is a little sad for that six year old I once was, for losing that magic. I just don’t know where it goes.