Those Were The Days

Sorry, folks, today I am just not feeling too perky. I don't know where this post is going...so bare with me!


Today, I just didn't feel right with the world. Do you ever have those days? Where you just feel like you are on the outside, looking in at all of these things that are going on around you, that you just don't agree with? And all you can do is watch. You have no control. You're simply stuck in the moment, with no escape. Well, that was my day. Things kept happening that I didn't like, but of course I'm powerless, so I just watch and worry and inwardly fret.

Then, after a day at work of fretting and fuming and basically growling to myself, I came home to an empty house. I was initially looking forward to that- a quiet home to just relax for a moment before the Monkey got home and was bouncing off the walls. And then I ended up sitting here, at the computer, ready to blog away...and nothing. Nothing happened. I stared at the screen, I looked around for inspiration, I tried to take a deep breath and get over my over-emotional drama queen routine...but it didn't help. All I could think was: I just hate being a grown up today. And so that, my readers, is my prompt for today's exciting blog. : ) I told you to bare with me!

I have a big envelope that I keep lots of old pictures and cards from high school/college in. I should probably do something with them, scrapbook them or something, but that probably won't happen until I retire. ; ) Anyway, for now they are in this big ol' envelope for safe keeping. Today my eyes rested on the envelope, while I was sitting here searching for writing inspiration, and so I began pulling things out of it to reminisce.

A simpler time flooded over me. High school was so easy! And it already feels like so long ago. I remember feeling safe there, surprisingly safe. Most people look back at high school and cringe- either they hated everyone around them, or they hated who they were then. I didn't love everyone around me, and there were sure times I hated myself, but all in all I knew wonderful people, had decent teachers (some better than others, of course!!), and was a good person. A better person, I feel, than I am now.

I feel like adult-hood is changing me for the worse. I see actions taken out against others by adults older than me- people that should know better than to treat others so poorly. It hurts my heart to see people act this way. And it scares me that I'm raising a child to live in this same world. What will become of it by the time he's an adult? I shudder at the mere thought.

I know real life isn't all about rainbows and sunshine and lovey-dovey happy feelings. I understand that. But is it really this nasty underbelly of evil, too? Okay, maybe I'm phasing back to drama-queen again. I just get scared when I see people- that I'm supposed to trust- act two very different ways in a matter of moments. And I hate playing nicey-nice with people that I really just want to run away from.

And so, for a moment, I will let my mind wander back through the memories of my simpler life. A time that I wrote a lot more- and frankly, a lot better-, where I had more friends, laughed more often, and slept better at night. I will remember the times me and my girlfriends would pile into the car and drive to town to go to Dairy Queen. I will remember the time I went to prom with my best guy buddy, Joe, and how he brought me yellow roses. I will remember going to the movies and holding hands with Adam. I will remember sitting in Ms. Dorrance's Creative Writing class, and always volunteering to read my works out loud, without fear. I will remember Youth Group at church, I will remember working at the grocery store, I will remember all our girly sleepovers.

And I will cling to all these memories, in hopes that they will keep me the same happy, good girl I am. Because I don't want to lose her.