Fat and Happy...?

Yesterday, I was driving down the road, letting my mind wander as it does, when I began thinking of recent photos taken with my husband. We had gone to Miami for the Monday Night Football game (more on that in another post!), and there was one particular pic of us together that was really cute (see below). But then I caught myself thinking "yeah, I don't look too fat in that picture, its cute"...and then I stopped. Wait. What?


I've never been a little tiny person. I've always been full figured. I've always had a booty and been curvy. It's hardly ever bothered me. I've of course had days I felt fat, but I also learned how to use my figure in a good way, and how to dress it the right way. Not to be a hoe or anything (although I'd say any girl that can pick up a boy in a Disney castworker costume has got to be pretty foxy!), but to feel good about how I looked. I'm a firm believer that if you feel good, it will shine through and make you look even better.


And then............motherhood came. My husband probably met me when I was at my smallest. My roomie and I were both working at Disney, we were dirt poor, so we worked hard, played hard, and ate little. After dating for only a few months, the then boyfriend and I found out I was prego. Obviously, that is something that will change your body.

I didn't bounce back from it. I wish I could say I did. I wish I could say that I took care of myself and stayed healthy and worked out and all that. I didn't; I still don't. I eat junk food, and my biggest workout is chasing the Monkey around the house (which can sometimes be quite the workout!!!). I remember, however, the day after I had Monkey. I had finally stood up for the first time in two days to go to the bathroom on my own (after a c-section, its easier said than done!). I looked and felt my tummy that had protruded from my body two days before. Compared to that, it now felt flat. I felt tiny. I promised myself I would always remember that feeling, and never call myself fat again.

And now we fast forward back to now. Now, with me looking at pictures of myself and debating whether or not I was fat or cute. How ridiculous is that? Of course I'm not the same as I was before I had a baby. Not too many of us women are, right? But my size should not be the judge of my happiness. So, fine, I'm not a size 2, 4, 6, 8...etc. I have the most gorgeous little boy who lights up my life. I have an amazingly wonderful husband, who quite frankly rocks me like a hurricane reguardless of what size I am. I have amazing friends and family that love me. And I have yet to have had any bad health issues, so even if I am a little big, I am still pretty healthy. If all that isn't enough to be happy about, I don't know what is.




So, from now on, I am going to fight those little inner demons that want to bring me down. And others down, for that matter. Do you notice, as a woman, that sometimes in order to bring ourselves up, we tear other women down by being overly judgemental of them? For example, seeing an old classmate of yours and noticing that she's not that little tiny cheerleader she once was. Well, of course she's not, and neither are you. You're both grown ass women, and that is something to be celebrated, reguardless of whether or not you look like you did in high school. So, this is my new challenge: to love myself, and others, better. To respect people- and again, myself- for who they are, and not what they look like.

And maybe I'll start walking more too. Just...for fun. : )

Big, beautiful, and happy.