One Day At A Time

If I was a basket case yesterday, then today I'm an effing picnic.

Seriously. Yesterday I was kind of hoping the world would just end so I could be done with everything. That's pretty low, especially for me, who thinks PUDDLES ARE MADE OF SUNSHINE. W.T.F.

Anyway. Today, I'm glad the world didn't end, I'm glad God ignored my begging to be struck with lightening, and I'm glad that I have another day to just...be.

I left work a bit early yesterday and went to see Grandpa at the cemetery. It was, strangely, just what I needed. I stood and sobbed and whispered things to him (well, I felt like an idiot talking out loud...I know that sounds insensitive, but I'm still new at this visiting-the-cemetery bit) and begging him to help me get through my shit. Which, knowing my grandfather, he probably was giving me some sort of Look that said, "girl, get your damn act together." And that's probably just what I need. Someone to shake me and say "GET A GRIP, BITCH!!"

I know this is all really confusing- because I haven't said exactly WHAT my deal is. Trust, I know. I know because I don't really understand what my deal is. I'm not sure if I'm having a quarter life crisis, or if I'm just stressed, or if I'm actually terribly unhappy with something. I don't know. Which, in turn, just freaks me out even more. I'm at the point where I'm watching out for the dudes in white jackets to come and escort me to my padded cell where I may forever be bouncing off the walls like a crazy person.

Maybe I need therapy. Maybe I need to blog more. Maybe I need a drink. Maybe I need to stop drinking. Maybe I need to make a change. A big change.

I.Don't.KNOW.

All I know is that today- I'm better than yesterday. Even though it probably doesn't sound like it. I am. So at least I've got that to work with.