Scared.

I've been avoiding you, blog.

:(

Because I feel like I have nothing to say. Nothing good or of substance, anyway. My attitude towards life has been, let's just say, murky as of late.

And I feel like I can't talk about it. But isn't that what a blog is for? A small pie slice of the universe where you can dump all your feelings and thoughts, no matter how good or bad or scary or stupid they are- and then to not really worry about the judgement, because ya'll don't know me, and what's more, I don't know you!

I suppose it's because this place is no longer secret. People in my life know about it. So I feel like I need to wear my mask here, too.

Does anyone else do this?? Anyone else feel like life is just one big masquerade? I know we're all just supposed to be true to ourselves and BE ourselves and LOVE ourselves...but do you ever get so caught up in being everything for everyone else that you forget what it's even like to be YOU?

This morning I reblogged something on my Tumblr- a picture of a camera lens that had been turned into a coffee cup. And I wrote how I loved when one thing is used for a totally different thing. I do. I love that. And I don't think anyone knows that about me- mostly because I've never known that about myself until that picture came across my life.

See? It's paragraphs like that that I'm terrified of. If and when my mother reads that, she's going to think I'm insane. But why am I concerned? What's exactly wrong with being a little insane? I've just always been so worried about being perceived as "normal"- and I don't even know what that means. What is "normal"? And why do I so desperately want to be it?

A girl who drinks coffee out of a camera lenses sounds way cooler than whatever "normal" could possibly be.