Day 4: Something You Have to Forgive Someone Else For

We were never officially a couple, but in my mind he was always mine. We'd met the first time I was here in Florida, and while he lived in Jersey, and I lived in Montana, we managed to keep in contact for over two years. We'd send each other postcards and cards; we talked on the phone at least once a week (for over two hours at a time); we'd visited one another; we'd met each other's parents.

When I decided to move to Florida, he already had. It seemed as though it was all going to work so smoothly.

And then...it didn't. Then he started dating another girl. At first I was certain that he just needed to get this out of his system, that once I moved there he'd drop her and come back to me. But it wasn't the case.

Then things got messy. Me, in my crazy love sick cloud, wrote him a letter, professing my love--- yes, I realize the lameness. But I did it, and I sent it, and then I immediately texted him and said, "don't read that letter I just mailed you". He said he wouldn't. Well. Not only did he read it, he kept it. In his freakin' underwear drawer. Where his girlfriend found it.

*Insert innocent face here*

Well, she freaked. I blamed her at the time, but now I know I would have freaked too. I mean...can you imagine? Finding a love letter from another woman in your man's undies? Lord. She demanded that he cut off ALL communication with me. After he'd insisted that she and I would be the best of friends. Ha. Men are so dumb.

Of course, I was livid. Again, in the moment, I only felt my side of things. But I would have done the same as she. I would have wanted to kill me, honestly. And what was he to do? He was stuck in the middle--although, he said he was going to throw that letter away without even reading it. What was he doing stashing it? Fool.

I've gone through every emotion-- anger, betrayal, broken heartedness, back to anger, jealousy. All of it was toxic to my system.

After I met Hubby, I realized that I needed to forgive them- both. I still haven't, but I'm working on it. She took something from me- even though I am where I need to be now, she still took something that I will always wonder about. Where would I be now had that path been open? Maybe unhappy, maybe alone, maybe married to someone else...it is strange to think about. But I wouldn't have THIS Hubby, and I wouldn't have Monkey.

So. Forgiveness is needed. Thank you for screwing up, so I could have what I have now.

: )